I was seriously freaking out looking through my closet this morning! I wanted to look young and vital, but grown up enough... pretty, but not like I'm trying too hard... confident, but flexible... smart, but not know-it-all...
So, what do you wear to meet the guy you hope will get you pregnant?
I mean, I met my husband and future baby-daddy wearing a mall cop uniform (in case you didn't know me back then, nope, this was not a Halloween costume)... but, that particular outfit was replaced long ago with blouses and jeans :-)
That's right... today was our first appointment with my new infertility specialist. We really, really like him... he is casual and unassuming but very sharp, which is a trait combination I can work with in a doctor. In fact, he reminds me a little bit of my beloved Dr. A... who unfortunately wouldn't move to SC with us. We asked. Anyway, I think I spotted a little bit of a glimmer of excitement to work with an infertile type 1 diabetic... I have a unique combination of symptoms and conditions that doesn't come up every single day!
He ordered pretty standard blood work on both of us, since it has been over a year since we did all of that at the Ohio fertility center... and gave me a script for some Provera to hopefully entice my dear Aunt Flo... who, it seems, decided to stay up north when we moved. After the lab work comes back, we'll go from there! We're both feeling pretty optimistic.
One of the (accidentally) cruelest things well-meaning fertiles tell us is that "this is all God's timing, His will." And even though we truly believe that God loves us, wants the best for us, and has a plan for us... it HURTS to contemplate WHY His timing and plan are causing us pain. Why would he give us this desire to be Godly parents, raising beautiful, Godly children... then make it so hard, or even impossible?
As we prepared for this move, we began to realize something. Moving is hard. It is a lot of logistics, a lot of hard physical labor, and exhausting in every sense of the word. And that was to move two able-bodied adults and a tiny dog... a baby would have made that SO much tougher, as would a wife who was nearing the end of a pregnancy, or just starting out on one. So the idea of not having conceived yet being a blessing is actually starting to make a little more sense to us. Not that it doesn't still stink, but... you know. :-)
Always,
Katie
Hi Katie I don't know you but I just wanted to encourage you. I know Ethan from WaY WAY WAY WAY WAY back when from church. My husband and I struggled with infertility (I have PCOS) and it's hard, and scary, and frustrating and it makes you want to punch fertile myrtles in the face! :-) We were lucky that my PCOS was our only hurtle and were able to conceive using clomid. I'll be praying for you because I know it's not easy. The waiting each month is tough (and seemed to get tougher and tougher every month). In fact we had both kind of resigned ourselves to the fact that it wouldn't work and we wouldn't be able to pursue it any further and my husband was going to by me a 'consolation kitten'. God bless!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kari! It's so good to have that connection with other people who know what it's like. Something like 1 in 7 couples will have trouble conceiving, but sometimes it sure seems like we must be the only ones. And, I'm not sure if you've been through the blog much or if Ethan has mentioned our Charley... but he has kind of become my substitute child. :-) Glad you didn't have to resort to a consolation kitten!
DeleteYou know what? It absolutely sucks that you guys are having these problems. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteI'll continue praying for you (all of you) and your future child. That baby WILL be in your arms some day. I'm just praying that it is sooner than later.
You know...? I'd have to agree! Lol! Thank you for the prayers... it feels so good to be moving forward again, after taking the time off ttc to move!
DeleteMy heart has been thinking of you these past few days. I'm praying for God to give you your heart's desire.
ReplyDeleteThank you <3 We appreciate the prayers so much!
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