I skipped the last Coffee and Conversation, so I'm super-glad to be back this week! This week's prompt is:
"How important is
social approval for you?"
While I
would really like to be able to say that social approval means nothing to me,
that would be an outright lie :-)
Yes. I care what people think of me.
Part of this
is because I strive to live my life in a way that doesn’t make God facepalm TOO
often, and so I surround myself with people with similar values. I am firmly convinced that God speaks in my
life through my friends. So if any of
these people were to disapprove of my actions or words, I would be
concerned. I would be concerned that I
was not living a good witness, that I disappointed God (which happens daily,
but I still try to keep it to a minimum!), and that I disappointed some very
important people in my life.
I think that
this kind of need for social approval is healthy and functional. I have chosen what I believe to be a social
network full of good people who set good examples and give me honest and loving
feedback. Gaining and maintaining their
approval encourages me that I am living and loving to the best of my ability
and it motivates me to curb my quick temper and other vices.
Then, there
is the other kind of need for social approval.
It is the same need that has created the Mommy wars, the same need that
causes debt to skyrocket as we show up the Joneses, the same need that makes my
heart a smidge sad that my follower count is only in the double digits. Clearly, this is not a productive need for
approval, but it probably is pretty natural.
I think that the important thing is, when we recognize it, to not embrace
it and feed it, but instead, to dissect it.
For us
bloggers, being “liked” can be tied to our income. Okay, for me, notsomuch, but hopefully
someday. When we start feeling blue
about our stats, we need to question whether that is because we are not meeting
business goals (in which case, strategize ways to improve content and
community) or if we are taking it personally (i.e. “If I weren’t so _______,
maybe I’d have more followers.”). If the
latter reason is the case, it might be time to reevaluate why we’re blogging
and maybe take a step back. I took a
(rather long) hiatus pretty recently, and it gave me time to get some perspective
and develop my own objectives for my online presence.
In the midst
of my quest for social approval, a good practice I have developed is to strive
for consistency. While Ethan and I have
inside jokes and talk frankly to each other about things that are better not
mentioned in polite company, I try very hard – with good success, I believe –
to make sure that I am authentic in public and as conscientious in my home life
as I am with coworkers or strangers. This
authentic me doesn’t get approval from some people, and – as I learned (again)
a few days ago when I discovered hurtful tweets about me from a Facebook “friend”
– It still hurts. I have had to come to
terms with the fact that I will never have the approval of certain people, and
that, generally, this reflects more on them then on me.
As long as the right people approve or gently
rebuke me, I am learning to be content in the knowledge that I’m pretty okay.
:-)
