I was recently lucky enough to be welcomed into a group of fantastic mom bloggers on Facebook, and one of the benefits of this group is the chance to participate in a weekly motherhood-themed blog hop. I'm getting in right in the middle of a 12-week run, and this week we're all writing about our motherhood mindsets.
Healthy Katie:
- Believes that the 5-second rule totally applies to baby toys. Maybe even 20-seconds in relatively clean places ;-)
- Sincerely thanks God for the invention of baby formula. Wet nurses sound expensive.
- Rejoices when her kids play "together" peacefully so she can put her feet up. Or blog.
- Uses a wipe when the dog licks her babies' hands... occasionally. He can't be THAT dirty.
- Thinks baby-led weaning is brilliant, fun, and working out really well with her twins.
- Is confident that, despite the myriad of outlooks and methods, she and her husband are perfectly capable of making the best decisions for their children.
- Can comfortably and politely tell anyone who questions these decisions to butt out. ;-)
PPD/PPA Katie:
- Obsessed last week over how she would evacuate her house with the babies and dog if it caught fire, and how she'd keep everyone from freezing in the snow. Not like, "let's make a safety plan" but more like, "well, when this inevitably happens, I'm going to fail to protect us all."
- Saw her breast pump and got a little blue.
- Was afraid to get out of bed because she knew she'd mess up everything she touched.
- Worries that she's letting her 8-month-olds "babysit" each other.
- Is afraid her sweet furry companion is heartbroken that he's not an only child anymore.
- Apologizes incessantly - in words, bearing, and tone - even online. (Sorry this post is kind of a downer...)
- Feels really guilty that they had to order/pick up food twice last week (despite it having been two weeks since the last take out!)
- Is nervous that the pediatrician will yell at her for baby-led weaning. (But purees were NOT working!!)
- Feels threatened and judged by vocal supporters of practices that are at odds with decisions she and her husband have made.
It really is incredible to me how both of the Katies described above are me... how the depressed and anxious mindsets come and go, and how somehow despite them, I function and am helping to raise two beautiful, healthy, smart little people. And how, on any given day, if asked to describe my motherhood mindset at that moment, I could write a post in one of two very different tones. Both of them real, genuine, me... but one of them a result of an illness and struggle that many don't consider valid.
Tell me about your parenting mindset! Did you (or do you) deal with PPD and/or PPA? Any tips on how to make more days like the first set of feelings than the second? :-)
PS: Please click over and visit the other lovely moms in this blog hop!
Amber Marie
Racheal
Amber Joy
Amanda
Lisa B.
Tiffany
Natasha
Heather
"but one of them a result of an illness and struggle that many don't consider valid." The truest statement there is. I'm thrilled you decided to speak on this topic and make it valid for others. So many mamas have this experience and the more of us that speak to it, the more mamas will feel validated in their experience. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you! That's always my hope when I post things about anxiety/depression or infertility... that someone feels less alone and a little bolder to share their own experiences!
DeleteI think all moms have these two sides to them; it's good of you to put it out there and show other women they're not alone! For a few weeks after I had Ginny, I don't know if I would characterize what I had has post-partum depression, but I did have a lot of down/hormonally-driven moments. I found myself being sad that she was no longer in my belly, even though that felt really irrational because I was beyond the moon that she was here, healthy, in the world.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to know that some extent of that is normal :-) And I totally get the being sad that they're not still inside and yet so happy that they're here! I love every stage, but I soooo miss the one before. I even get a smidge of baby fever when I see newborns... eek!
DeleteLove this post! It is so amazing how one minute you can be one person, and the next a completely different person. Hormones and babies and mommy-hood and all the opinions and scariness that surround it are enough to make anyone crazy, but the fact that you're owning it and writing about it is pretty fantastic. I feel like people think PPD is only about not wanting to be with your babies or wanting to hurt them, and that's so not true, in fact its a really narrow definition. Thanks for sharing and opening up the conversation!
ReplyDeleteErin, Attention To Darling Blog
www.attentiontodarling.com
Very true... the postpartum period is full of stuff that will freak anyone out! I mean, this goes a little deeper than that, but I think it's so important for new parents to be gentle with themselves and for other people to be gentle with them! And yeah... even in my worst valleys with PPD, I never wanted to be separated from my babies... it was actually more the opposite. I'd get panicky if I couldn't see them! Just like with so many other illnesses, individual experiences can vary wildly!
DeleteI have suffered from anxiety all my life, and it got really bad during my pregnancies and right after. I talked to someone and also use medication. Exercise and writing both really help me too. I'm a twin mom too, so if you ever need to talk, I'm here.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Shann :-) I've been medicating since 2 weeks postpartum (and actually, most of my adult life, althought my GP encouraged me to go off the meds before IVF). It definitely helps a lot! I function decently most days :-) I've never been much of a journaler, but I do love reaching out to my blogging and instagram communities! And I know exercise would probably help... just hard to talk myself into it :-P
DeleteI had (have?) post partum depression after the girls were born! It's crazy how you can totally be both of those mothers at once! Im so grateful for my support system and for those who speak out about ppd because the more we normalize it, the easier it will be for all moms to cope with!! It got better for me after a few months and then in October right after my girls turned 6 months old my aunt and three little cousins died in a house fire (so yea that scenario you talked about is not a crazy fear to have and I've obsessed over it about every day since then) and the PPD reared its head with a vengeance and added some serious anxiety to the mix!
ReplyDeleteI think that's why we connected on Insta, right!? :-D Wow... what a horrifying tragedy... I can definitely see why that would cause an uptick in symptoms! When I stopped pumping is when mine really really took off. I'd already been medicating, but it got orders of magnitude worse then. If you ever need to vent, you know a few ways to get a hold of me :-) Hugs!
DeleteLove this post! Isn't it crazy how we can be so confident about our mothering decisions one day and so anxious the next? Major props to taking care of twins! You've got this, mama!
ReplyDeleteIt is! Raising future grown-ups is a LOT of pressure! ;-) Thank you for commenting and commiserating :-)
DeleteKatie, thank you so much for your real admissions - on both sides of the coin. As an expectant mum I am very much aware of my current mental health, therefore am already anxious about PPD and how I will bond and cope with our baby.
ReplyDeleteYour acknowledgement that motherhood is not a cakewalk is wonderful - thank you <3
Annnnd it would seem as though you don't know who I am because I use different commenting systems and am not on Blogger or any of the others!
DeleteSo I'm Hollie from Little Goldfish <3
Thanks for stopping by, Hollie! Don't stress too much about PPD... it only affects 1 in 10 (which is a lot, but not, like... a guarantee!), and it's definitely treatable. I think most pediatricians and obs screen for it at postpartum appointments and early well-child visits, too, so you'll have help keeping an eye on your mental health :-) New moms-to-be have enough other stress on their plates, so cross this bridge IF you come to it <3 Praying your you and your baby! You'll do great!
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ReplyDeleteI really like the way you took this subject. I suffered from PPA. That first year was very rough.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lisa :-) So, it improved after the first year? We're at 8 months... I think my meds and I can make it 4 more ;-)
DeleteThankfully I didn't suffer from PPD with my first baby, but I absolutely love your explanation/examples of what it's like living with this. Awesome post. -- Lisa | Naptime Chai
ReplyDeleteThank you for all of your encouragement <3 (Here and across social media!) You're wonderful!
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