As I thought about the innumerable ways of interpreting that phrase, I decided to write about an infertility topic that doesn't seem to make sense. Infertility is a monster. It steals so much from couples who experience it. That much is indisputable. But what if I talked about the gifts my infertility gave me?
Numbers 1 and 2 - Abbie and Sam
First and always foremost, our infertility battle gave us our twins. Abbie and Sam are our beautiful gifts at the end of a five-year struggle, and every single shot, every single appointment, every single night spent sobbing... were worth it when we hold our precious children. Had we not had to do IVF, those specific sperms would not have met those specific eggs (no pressure, embryologists...), and Abbie and Sam would not be the incredible people we have come to love so fiercely.
Number 3 - A Strengthened Marriage
Huge struggles - like infertility is - can make or break a marriage. Thankfully, it strengthened Ethan's and my teamwork skills, and taught us how to work together to face down a monster that felt bigger than either of us. We learned how to be strong when our spouse is weak, and how to hold each other up when neither felt like we could walk another step of this journey.
Number 4 - A Strengthened Faith
Similarly to marriage, infertility can make or break a person's faith. I learned to trust in a plan I couldn't see, and to trust that the Lord was leading me to something wonderful. I still firmly believe that He saw us through our struggle, and that our children - while the products of a lot of hard work from a lot of incredible experts - are a gift from Him. I love our testimony, and I love to share what a wonderful work God has done in our family.
Number 5 - A Community
The online infertility community is warm and supportive, and I have made lifelong friends through this blog and through Instagram. In fact, my best friend found me when I mentioned infertility in a guest post for a fellow diabetes blogger that she and I both follow. It's so cool to have a community of people who understand and validate the struggle and the darker feelings that come along with an infertility battle.
Number 6 - A Ministry, an Outreach
People find my blog often when searching for info about the fertility clinic we used, and they reach out to me. I love sharing my experience with BFC one-on-one, and for the last couple years, I've also been offering to add these ladies to a private Facebook group I administrate (extremely high privacy settings, so it can't be found in search, and their friends can't see that they're in it, unless the friend is also in it). There are almost 100 women in the group now, and they support each other and love on each other, and it makes me feel like I'm making a difference in the world. The feasibility - and AWESOMENESS - of pursuing IVF overseas has become a platform for me, and again, a vehicle that has introduced me to some lifelong friends.
Number 7 - More Compassion
It's so true that everybody you meet is facing some sort of battle you know nothing about. Watching so many infertility stories unfold - including ours - has taught me that people handle the stresses in all kinds of different ways. Seeing unkind behavior in strangers or acquaintances now makes me wonder what private pain has precipitated that behavior, and that pause allows me to show more grace to them than I may have in the past.
Number 8 - Twin Mom Club
I MAY have had twins on my own if we hadn't had to do fertility treatments. I mean, spontaneous twins are totally a thing. But I definitely increased my chances by having two healthy embryos transferred. :-) I had heard about support clubs for moms of multiples, and I knew there was a local one because Ethan's boss at the time was a member. So I looked it up online and joined. It is so wonderful to get out of the house once a month and meet up for fellowship and programming with dozens of other moms who are either where I've been or where I will be soon. They're a great resource for twin parenting advice, for venting, and for a good laugh. I'm really thankful for the support and information I've found there!
Number 9 - Confidence in My Ability to Overcome
We have been through some tough stuff, and done things I almost can't fathom. And we came out stronger on the other side. We both remind each other of this whenever we are feeling daunted by something in front of us. We now have a solid track record of winning when we feel like we never will, and this has changed the way we see ourselves. We're winners. We're overcomers. We are smart and strong and tenacious.
Number 10 - Island Home-Away-From-Home
Had we not needed to do IVF, I think our dreams of world travel would have been put on hold while our kids were young. We probably never would have spent more than a cruise's port of call in Barbados. I would never have met the clinic staff who became more than a medical team, I wouldn't have fallen in love with the warmth and humor of the Bajan people, or the sparkling waters that make my breath catch even in photographs. I wouldn't have a beautiful island calling to me all the time, and I wouldn't be planning a return trip to show my kids this unique part of their story.
While I wouldn't wish the pain of an infertility battle on anybody, I also can't bring myself to wish away our own. Without that pain, I wouldn't have found these wonderful gifts, and my life would probably not be as rich or full.
PS: You can read last year's NIAW post here: NIAW 2017 - Listen Up!
And you can learn more about IVF in Barbados (and our return trip) here: IVF in Barbados
